Cancer and the Single Girl
Diagnosis, Treatment, and Happily Ever After
Being young, single, and dealing with cancer is not easy. Young women are often hit hard by cancer as they watch their friends embark on relationships and start families.
Young women with cancer are faced with unique issues, not the least of which is finding love in the midst of their illness. Older women are far more likely to go through the experience of cancer with a long-time partner, and often have grown-up children at the time of their diagnosis. Young women often watch as their friends start relationships, have children, and establish careers, while they are seemingly left behind.
Navigating the world of romance is tough enough for a healthy person, so what is a single gal with cancer to do?
Whether you have been single throughout your cancer experience, or you are newly single due to a breakup during your treatment – this is not unusual as relationships often change significantly through this stressful time - take heart, even the most skeptical and cynical have found love in the time of cancer.
There is no question the disease is a parasite, sometimes leaving survivors without the strength or will to share their lives with anyone. Alternately, some cancer survivors feel stronger for having been through the experience, and feel more ready for a relationship than ever. Where you fall in this spectrum will determine how and when you look for love.
Going through treatment can do a number on your self-esteem. In a world where women are under relentless pressure to look and be perfect, the physical changes cancer brings can throw a wrench into dating life.
Weight gain, weight loss, hair loss from chemotherapy, and scars from surgery can all lead to feeling unattractive and unable to deal with physical and emotional intimacy. You may worry how a potential new partner will react to your survivor status; you may be freaked out about the idea of having sex or being touched; or you may be unsure - if your cancer has left you unable to have children - how a potential partner may react to this reality.
On the other hand, some women find that cancer has a positive impact on their sense of self. As counter-intuitive as it may seem, it makes sense that this kind of strength can emerge from adversity. A kick-ass, nothing-can-stop-me-now attitude is a common side-effect of the disease, and the stronger you feel, the more you perceive you have to offer someone else. Going through the ringer and back can lead to more compassion, more positivity, and an added willingness to accept and understand others.
No matter where you're at with your feelings about dating and your cancer, taking action and moving through the process is the only way to deal with it. Remember to listen to your feelings, take your time, and approach your new dating life in a way that seems right for you. If you are not ready, you are simply not ready, and pushing things too fast will not do any good. By the same token, being fearful and resisting those impulses is no fun either.
Love, children, and rich, full lives are not reserved for the cancer-free. Investigate your options, understand your needs where love and relationships are concerned, and things will happen in due time.
Check out these great resources to get you started:
C is for Cupid – a dating site for people affected by cancer.
Fertile Hope – a New York-based not-for-profit organization dedicated to giving cancer survivors the resources they need to become parents.
Sex and Cancer for Women (Cancer Research UK) – information on cancer treatments and how they affect your sex life.
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