Physical Changes before Death

How the Body Shuts Down as Death Approaches

Jun 4, 2008 Debbie Roome

Death from cancer or any terminal illness is normally preceded by certain physical changes. Knowing what to look for, helps loved ones to cope with the process.

When a terminally ill person nears the point of death, a number of physical changes take place. Understanding this process helps to calm fears and assuage anxiety.

Different Pace

A sudden decline in health may herald the beginning of the end. This decline is often marked by damage or failure in parts of the body.

Distance

Death is the instant that a person leaves this world and moves into the next. When a person has a terminal sickness, death is often preceded by a stage of separation from the physical world and closeness to the spiritual world. This separation may be seen by a lack of desire to indulge in worldly pastimes and an interest in planning a memorial service and setting affairs in order.

Sleep

Sleep begins to take up more and more time. At first a familiar voice will rouse the person but eventually it may seem they are unconscious. Dreams and visions of God and heaven are common at this stage. Even if the person is unresponsive, keep communicating, touching and expressing love.

Appetite

As body systems shut down, food becomes less important. Instead of forcing the issue, offer cool, juicy foods such as ice cream, yoghurt, jell-o and fruit smoothies.

Energy

As death approaches the person may have a decreased response to the world. Occasionally there may be a final burst of energy but this is usually short-lived.

Skin

A whole range of skin changes can occur as the body shuts down. It may become clammy or flushed, turn grey/blue in color or develop blotchy patches.

Circulation and Blood Pressure

Pulse and blood pressure can become erratic during the last few days. This can cause emotional side-effects and the patient may have outbursts of anger and grief. Don’t take these personally.

Body Systems

Digestion and elimination are among the first to cease. The body may prepare for death by a profuse amount of elimination. If the heart is struggling to pump properly, it can result in swelling of the extremities or in the lungs. Suction can ease the breathing in this case. Shaking is a common effect of the systems shutting down and the best treatment is to hold the person close.

Eyes

When a person is dying, the eyes may remain open and seem to become glassy and stare. It may appear that the loved one sees something in the distance and may even reach out towards this vision. When the eyes are glassy and fixed, death normally occurs within hours.

Hearing and Touch

Hearing normally remains intact to the end so use touch and talk as the end draws near. Even if the person is unable to respond, the contact will be of great comfort.

Breathing

As death approaches, the breathing rate will slow drastically with breaths being far apart. While the breathing is quiet and gentle, death is normally not imminent. As death does approach, breathing may become labored with the person gasping for air. A low throaty gurgling is common and is often referred to as the death rattle. These breaths will slow and come further and further apart until the final breath is taken

Death is something common to all mankind, but not something that most people are familiar with. If a loved one has a terminal disease, it can bring comfort and strength to the family to understand the final stages they are likely to pass through. It will also enable them to support the loved one in the best way possible.

Recommended reading: May I walk you Home by Melody Rossi, Bethany House Publishers, 2007

The copyright of the article Physical Changes before Death in General Medicine is owned by Debbie Roome. Permission to republish Physical Changes before Death in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.

Death is Part of the Cycle of Life

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53 Comments

Comments

Aug 26, 2008 4:17 PM

Guest :

It's too late now, but I wish I had known about the eyes staying open and being glassy. My husband recently died and that was the one thing I had never heard of. It was scary to see him asleep with his eyes half open and just staring at nothing. Even after death, the nurses could not close his eyes.

Aug 29, 2008 5:14 PM

Guest :

Thank you so much for explaining the signs of dying. It helped me so much to keep in my mind. My grandmother is getting to her final stages and is dying from Bile Duct Cancer. Again Thank You!

Allison G.

Sep 10, 2008 5:40 PM

Guest :

Thank you SO much for this article. My father is dying and I have been following my intuition to guide my actions. It is most reassuring to know that my instincts have been on target. I feel less alone now.

Sep 25, 2008 5:11 PM

Guest :

I am about to lose my father in law and i believe i will be sitting with him through alot of it and at least now i know what to look for to make sure the whole family is there when the end comes.

Nov 11, 2008 11:23 PM

Guest :

My darling dad died 3 months ago from terminal lung cancer. I spent the last day and night by his side at home. He showed all these signs - the glassy eyes staring into space, restlessness during the night and pointing at something I could not see, pulling and plucking at his clothes. He went to the loo leads of times and his urine was very dark, almost brown. The worst for me was the agitation, pacing and delirium during that last night. I felt helpless and he was crying out "Help me, pull this pain out of me". Mum and I stroked him and calmed him down until he fell asleep.
I am so glad we did this - gently stroking and kissing a dying person is very calming for them. He died two hours later. He was asleep, snoring away (which I now realise was the death rattle) and then just stopped breathing, breathed in and out very slowly twice, and then died. I knew he was dead because his eyes turned to glass and stared into space. When I touched the lids there was no reflex. Despite the agitation two hours earlier, the end was very peaceful for him, but a complete shock to us. I had never seen anyone die and did not realise he was so close, but I know what to expect now. I am so glad mum and I were able to reassure and stroke him and let him know we were there by his side right up until the end. We could not have done any more.

Nov 24, 2008 8:04 AM

Guest :

My dad is dying at the moment but he is fighting it so much. The signs you describe I have seen. I had to come back home but I was with my dad Thursday night, Friday through the night Saturday and Sunday. When we saw him Sunday morning we thought it was time. The colour had gone from his body, he felt so cold. The noise in his breathing. My brother and I just held his hands as he lay in hospital he was so cold yet the room was hot. We said its ok dad we are here now you go if you want. But even though he stopped breathing about 3 times, he is still with us. By 3.30pm the colour was back in his body and he was warm. Its like knowing we were there made him stay. Its now 16:00 on Monday and dad is still with us, strong and stubborn to the very end. (My dad is 73yrs and has Pick's Disease, a very cruel illness).

Dec 3, 2008 7:14 PM

Guest :

I had never been with a dying person until my dad passed this past summer. It's god to know that our experience was a normal one. Thank you.

Jan 1, 2009 6:40 PM

Guest :

Has anyone ever heard of someone's eyes turning BLUE (when they were dark brown/green) before death? A friend just lost her husband to lung cancer, and several family members noticed the man's eyes had changed color, just before his death.

Jan 6, 2009 11:38 AM

Guest :

the information you give has been very helpful.my step-fathers been my only experience with cancer.its the hardest thing ive ever had to deal with.i just wish that there were a way to make this easier for my family.would anyone have any advice for getting through this?

Jan 17, 2009 1:44 AM

Guest :

to the person who asked if their loved one had a change of color--the answer is yes. My mother had brown eyes and the day she died (January 10th, 2009), I noticed that her eyes were BLUE. I was very surprised.

Jan 28, 2009 11:56 PM

Guest :

My mother is in the final stages of death suffering from colon cancer...the agitation she experiences is hardest for me, she lashes out at me and the nurses and tries to remove her tubes...she has always been a passive person, so this is out of character for her...I noticed yesterday that her eyes are turning blue...what causes this?...We have talked to her and let her know it was ok to go home to God, but she seems to be fighting to stay for some reason...Thank you all for sharing, it is helpful to read your post as my sister is in denial that mom is dying and I cannot talk to her about the process or my feelings...

Feb 5, 2009 11:41 AM

Guest :

My mother-in-law is in the process of dying. This article helped me very much. Her feet are very cool to the touch and I will be looking for other signs you mentioned. She has Lewy-Bodies disease and it has been a long hard disease. Thanks again for this article.

M.K Osborne

Feb 9, 2009 5:27 PM

Guest :

I am grieving for my Mum and I have n't lost her yet.
My wonderful, caring, special Mum is dying from liver cancer. I can't believe I have just typed that.
We are all devastated particulary because my Mum underwent a massive operation to remove a tumour in her Oesophagos. Mums ribs were broken, her lung deflated, half her Oesophagos and a third of her stomach were removed and the rest of her stomach is now in her chest cavity. All this, for the cancer to come back in her liver less than a year later. Mum has been through so much and I am afraid for what she is about to endure.
I pray that Mum will not be in any pain and that the end will come peacefully and quickly for her.
Mums body is already shutting down from what I have read on this site so far. Her skin is very cool and clammy to the touch even though the room is warm. Mum does n't want to eat at all and I feel she only participates for our sake. Mum is painfully thin. Her weight loss has been dramatic over the past twelve months - as expected.
I don't feel I could ever say a final goodbye to Mum. I know I will have to do this for my Mums sake. But how do I give permission for Mum to go when I don't know how to live without her in my life?
I love my Mum so much and will always be grateful of the life she gave me and my four siblings. She taught me how to live life to the full. Never to bear grudges but to forgive. How to help others and not to expect too much from people. Everything good in me is down to my wonderful Mum (and my Dad)I could go on and on but most of all Mum told me how to love and be loved and ironically this is what is tearing me up inside. It is unbearable for me and yet the end is coming faster than I can cope with.
I have never felt so alone and feel like I am the only one who is in pain. Everyone else is coping far better and seems far more excepting. My Dad is very emotional too but strong at the same time and is caring for my Mum at home. I too will stay every night when the time comes.
I know I should be grateful for the 40 years that I have had my Mum in my life but I still feel cheated out of 20 years or so. My Nan is still alive at 87 years old and I presumed that we would all live happy, healthy, long lives too. I was wrong. One of the most precious people in my life is about to be taken from me and I am unable to do anything about it!
Cherish those closest to you and let them know how much they mean to you.
My Mum knows this.xx

Feb 12, 2009 2:26 PM

Guest :

I noticed that the eyes of both my father and brother, changed from dark blue to a very light blue about a week before they died.

Feb 20, 2009 6:11 AM

Guest :

Thank you very much for explaining the signs of dying. My mother's husband is at the moment dying of brain cancer. He is in last days, if not hours. I translated the article into Czech language few minutes ago( my mom lives in Czech Republic) and my mom found it extremely helpful...so did I. He is showing over 90% of the signs you have described i the article. My mom is absolutely wonderful to him...she is so brave but so scared.
Thank you again!
Bohdana

Feb 23, 2009 11:54 AM

Guest :

My grandmother was diagnosed with lung cancer 6 months ago and it has been a downward spiral ever since. The hospice nurses visited today and gave an estimation of less than a week left for my grandmother. I have sat by her side and noticed and experienced all the signs. She is now on pure morphine drips every 2 hours to keep her as comfortable as possible. Part of me knows that its the morphine is creating the hallucinations but she has told me that her angels are at the foot of her bed-waiting; not saying a word. She has also heard god's voice telling her everything is going to be ok. Thankfully now after reading this and some others comments I feel a little bit my relieved... I thought I was trying to believe in the hallucinations for the sake of believing but now that I know its not just my grandmother who has experienced these things; I don't feel so crazy...

Feb 25, 2009 8:14 AM

Guest :

Like your last commenter, I wish I had found this information before my husband passed away, it would have helped to know how close he was to death and I didn't know about the eyes remaining open and glassy and the breathing - the medical staff just referred to secretions in his bronchil tubes I wished I had known it was the "death rattle" I just hope he knew I was with him at the end.

Mar 13, 2009 1:25 AM

Guest :

My husband passed away on 3/7/09 at the age of 55 from natural causes due to lung cancer. He was very much in the game yet. We knew he was going to die at some point but I did think we had a lot more time. He was complaining of some pain in his elbow. He did take some tylenol and a pain pill but was still very restless and uncomfortable. I had him take an anxiety pill to help releive him of stress hoping the pain medication would take effect. It was early in the morning and he came back to bed, we were talking, our kitties were running around on top of us, he seemed to relax and settle down and we both drifted back off to sleep. About 15 minutes later he let out a loud moan and a couple of gasps of air and he was gone. His eyes were not focused, I was yelling his name telling him to squeeze my hand but his whole body was limp. He did have a DNR bracelet and standing order but this was not what I had prepared for. I thought he would slowly decline but that was not the case - he was on his 5th different chemo and was still in the fight. I am thankful he went quickly and with dignity but as I said before this is not what I was prepared for.

Mar 16, 2009 11:56 PM

Guest :

Unless a person is born again they will not see the kingdom of God. It is written in John 3:3 Holy Bible. I am a born again Christian. I know my saviour Jesus Christ will be taking my soul to heaven. If a person dies in their unsaved condition they will go to hell where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. It is written. Just the flesh dies but the soul lives forever. Hell is a place of torment and punishment for the unsaved. But God does not wish for us to go to hell. He sent us a saviour, His one and only begotten Son, Jesus Christ. Deeath does not have to be forever. You and your families can know where you are all going. When a born again Christian dies we all know that person is with Jesus after they pass on and we don't mourn long. We know what our eternity will be. You can too. Choose Jesus for salvation and everlasting life. www.jesus-is-savior.com

Mar 16, 2009 11:58 PM

Guest :

Seek salvation through our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.
www.jesus-is-savior.com

Apr 17, 2009 2:09 PM

Guest :

God knows each person's heart, and it is not up to us to determine if someone is going to heaven or hell. I know a lot of so called Christians that do not act Christ like. My father is dying of lung cancer. I stayed with him for a month, but had to go back home because I have my family to take care of. He is under hospice care, and they will let me know two weeks ahead when they think he might pass. I will get on the first plane when I get that phone call. He is presently bed-ridden, in diapers, not eating very much, and is sleeping most of the time. I talked with him a week ago, and he told me that the end is near. He never said he was a Christian, but he led a good and honest life, and I can't imagine that God would let him suffer in hell. I am not looking forward to that phone call, but I know it will come. I went through this eight years ago with my mother, and she was so afraid to leave my father. He has been heart-broken since her death, and now he is experiencing the same pain that she did. I hope he does not experience pain and that his passing is quick.

Apr 17, 2009 2:11 PM

Guest :

Apr 21, 2009 8:45 AM

Guest :

Thank you so much for this article.
My mum in law passed away on 27.03.2009 with alzeihmers and i wish that man finds a cure for this dreadful disease soon. My father in law is in his final stages of prostate cancer. he has stopped eating and he is angry at times. he is taking liquid morphine and seems to be delirious at times I pray for all those caregivers who are experiencing a near death situation and may god make it easy on the patients. Tahnk u so much for your information.

Apr 26, 2009 8:31 AM

Guest :

I am caring for my mum now, in her final days. She has CLL (leukaemia) , where we have been told it’s just a matter of days (that was three weeks ago). I find myself searching the internet for information with regard to the last stages just so that I am not shocked when they happen. Mum is either in a state of restlessness or asleep. She tries to talk but instead of a conversation she repeats everything until I hold her hand and calm her down. Her breathing is very laboured. Her fluid intake is reduced but her appetite is good. I myself have had all ranges of emotions.

May 8, 2009 2:35 PM

Guest :

Wow, my dad is showing signs of everything that was mentioned. This was a great help and it eased my mind. It is nice to have a heads up that I should brace myself for the end. Thank you and God Bless.

May 19, 2009 7:07 AM

Guest :

From what i have read here I know now that the end is near for my dad. He has lung cancer and cirrhosis of the liver. We have been with him everyday taking shifts my 3 sisters and I so he won't be alone. But now it is getting harder for him to breath, the rattling has begun. He is non-responsive and blood pressure is 60/40. I don't know how much longer we have with him but something tells me not too much longer.

May 22, 2009 4:27 PM

Guest :

My lovely daughter age twenty eight is starting to show signs. She is already an Angel to me. She has Cerebral Palsy with seizures and her mind age is about a three year old level. She can't seem to get rid of this Pneumonia that developed. She can no longer eat solid foods and is on the last milk substitute that the Doctor can give her and even this is not doing much good. The doctors give her only a short while. I tell her over and over how much I love her but it is so hard to have to say that final goodbye. She is now getting Morphine for her pain as she hurts so much. She just looks at me and you see the tears in her eyes. She can no longer talk but I hold her close to me hoping I don't show my pain to her. I know I have to be brave for her but it is hard when your heart is breaking.

Jun 14, 2009 7:36 AM

Guest :

thank you very much for this i am a nursing student doing palliative care at the moment i also work in a nursing home and i myself have experienced death at first hand, i want to thank you as i now can provide the care that person needs and very much deserve, so thank you again, as mentioned i have lost people that are dear to me and it is always hard to say good-bye when they are ready to leave this earth but when others are not.

Jun 19, 2009 2:56 PM

Guest :

I agree that we should be born again. The bible is truth, and it states that only through Jesus Christ we will see the kingdom of heaven. It is very important to know Jesus Christ, since it is not safe to die unless we know him first. We should be prepared always for death, by knowing our Jesus Christ.

Jun 26, 2009 11:09 AM

Guest :

It is truely an awful ordeal to see a loved one go threw agony and pain. One aunt died in the hospital begging for pain medicine. The other just passed away with Hospice. They allowed her to die peacefully without pain or suffering. Now we are looking at my mother in law to pass with in the next two monthes. Just trying to keep her comfortable and not show that it saddens me to see her progressing along. Hospice has been wonderful to our family and I encourage others to seek it out.

Jul 2, 2009 10:04 PM

Guest :

My brother's heart is functioning at 15%, they say he is at the end of his life it could be days or a couple of weeks. He is weak and gets very pale, white when he sits up. What can we look for, how can he be made comfortable?

Jul 17, 2009 10:42 PM

Guest :

I had been diagnosed with Renal Cell Carcinoma in 1983, at this time I am 52 years old.I have had many surgeries,radiation, chemotheraphy [torisol] which has kept my cancer at bay... Now I have reached end stage... reading all of the coments really touched me overwhelmingly, the love and heartache each of you felt...I have lived from a very unusual point of view. Each day I've let all that I love, know so, things that normally would anger you, just sort of leave you feeling., well , so in charge, because with your knowledge life can be so short, makes you observe emotions so differently...and argue less and communicate more.Leaving will be hard and sad. But I want all who have cared for me [even my Doctors] to know ,how I love and appreciate every moment I have had here...I will not be afraid at the end , only sorry I will not look upon my husband, daughter and sons face agin. My granddaughter Nelly will not remember how happy she has made me ...I am so proud to have lived and shared my life withall who have wandered into mine...Yes it will be sad, but It HAS been a wonderful life....Remember to love and live each moment like it could be your last......Gloria

Jul 20, 2009 4:41 PM

Guest :

he my name is boe and my mum had a blood clot in her lung im only 14 and it was hard but we got throw it we all thourt she was going to die and it was hard o me beacuse she is the madest mum ever .......

Jul 26, 2009 1:32 PM

Guest :

I am so glad that i found this website. My dad was diagnosed with cancer and also pulmonary fibrosis. His condition has been declining over the last few weeks and after reading this, it has confirmed my greatest fears that he could go any day now. I have been dreading this day for the last few months and am very concerned how my two young children will take this. I am hoping my dad will pass away in his sleep peacefully. He has been a fantastic husband, dad and grandad, i am so glad i decided to get married this year. I would recommend this website to anyone who is going through the same as me. I feel at peace and can mentally prepare.

Aug 6, 2009 10:11 AM

Guest :

My father passed away yesterday after suffering from vascular dementia and korsakoff's syndrome diagnosed 3 years ago. In his final weeks he looked like a concentration camp victim. There was nothing left of a once very big and strong man. We had to decide as a family for him what route to take as he was terminal and we decided to not prolong his suffering anymore and bring him back to the 20% he had been over the past 3 yrs. That was hard to do. It is the hardest thing to watch happen. I was with him for the week up to his final hour. I had experienced the process before with another close family member, but it is never an experience you can forget and never altogether the same. He had the glassy eyes, and changes you speak of, but hung on until a family member came to take me for a walk. Whilst my brother was staring out the window and I was on my walk, he slipped away. He was strong and stubborn to the very end. I noticed that whenever I left the room for any period of time, he deteriorated rapidly. I believe in the end he could still hear everything and knew we were there for him. When we put a lemon swab in his mouth to clean it, he bit down on it. He even had a few tears roll down his cheeck at certain times. It was too terrible to see his frail body shut down, but he was given liquid morphine for his pain. He waited to see his family for the last time and even perked up and ate some jelly two days before his death. From having very little in his system he took in 700ml's of fluid - soup, water and ice cream. His strength of spirit was amazing, but we were sad to see him hand on in distress for so long. I believe he was waiting to see people who never came.

Aug 7, 2009 12:27 PM

Guest :

Thank you for this article. My aunt is transitioning from pancreatic cancer. I saw her today and she is in a daze. I do not believe she knew who I was. As much I am blessed to be with her and my family during this final transition, I just do not want to see my once vibrant energetic aunt suffer any more. I will continue to trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not unto my own understanding...

Aug 19, 2009 4:14 PM

Guest :

my grandma is also in the last stages.the phsysical discription is right on point. she has also given her wishes.she is the pillar that holds this huge family up she often sees dead people from years ago and little beautiful babies we dont question at all what she sees we beleive what she sees i just wish i cud see we love her so much. she was the neiborhood mother for over 50yrs

Sep 17, 2009 1:21 PM

Guest :

my daughter passed away on aug.29, just two and half weeks ago. She was a parapalegic due to a car accident, and just in march was diagnosed with aml.
my heart is broken because i watched her beg for help and fight so hard to stay. For 5 hours she begged me to help and there was nothing i could do except hold her.she would hug me and then push me away.then throw her arms around in the air. i did not see but one of the signs she was passing and idid not realize it until she was gone.could someone explain all this to me?

Sep 25, 2009 2:58 PM

Guest :

Mom died just a few weeks ago from lung cancer. 5 weeks from date of diagnosis to death. When she would cough, there was a horrible smell from the cancer--like rotten meat. She didn't eat during her final week. Her legs would alternately get cold then warm. Her last day was a struggle to breathe...gurgling sounds. The skin around her knees got grayish blue. The nurse gave her morphine and she did not get agitated. Her breathing slowed over the next 30 minutes. We sat with her, held her hands, kissed her, and told her that it was OK to go. Not to be afraid. That we loved her. She opened her eyes and did indeed seem to fixate on some object above that we couldn't see. Her final breath was followed by several fish-like motions with her mouth that we were told were reflex actions and common.

Sep 25, 2009 3:07 PM

Guest :

Oct 1, 2009 5:39 AM

Guest :

I wish I had found this site a month or so ago. I trawled the internet for answers but found none when I needed them most.
Mum was diagnosed with advanced ovarian cancer 18 months ago.She always put others before herself, right up to the end.
About 12.50am on a Friday Mum was in so much pain she asked to go into hospital, something she would never normally do, she hated them.The ambulance took her in and we met her there. After she had been in A & E a couple of hours she perked right up and was chatting away, later she was moved to a ward and we went home.
I went up with My older sister to see her that afternoon visiting. Mum told us she had signed a DNR, we were shocked but respected her wishes we knew something just wasn't right. her face was a grey colour, her speach was slurred, her BP and temperature had plummeted. She was also sicking something dark in colour, it was definately neither food or drink. At the end of visiting I kissed her lightly goodbye and whispered in her ear "don't you dare give up". "I wont she said".
My Dad visited in the evening and she said to him "oooh its lovely, no pain", as they had upped her morphine. I was worried and my younger sister stayed overnight with her. She slept most of the time just waking for sips of water.
Although I was worried I didn't want to upset Mum by visiting at a time I normally wouldn't. At afternoon visiting my Older sister, brother and an Aunt went to see Mum. At 2.40pm I received a call telling me to get straight to the hospital and pick up my Dad and younger sister up on the way. We missed her passing by 3-4 minutes, she died at 3pm on 12th Sep 2009. OH boy how I wish she could have held on just long enough for me to say goodbye. It was unexpected and quick as the staff did not have time to even move her to a side room. Her death certificate said the OC killed her but 2 days later her last scan results came back showing very little change. We were told her heart was in a bad way and it was almost certainly that but to change the certificate meant an autopsy which we refused.
Mum was in such a state in those last few weeks, I'm glad she told Dad she had no pain and she died with some family around her.
I can't imagine life without her, she was our rock, my Mum and Mum's are invinsible aren't they?
I asked if anyone would like to write a letter to Mum,that she could take with her,she had loads & photos. I also had a white dove released for her. I love you Mum and always will xxx

Oct 3, 2009 9:30 PM

Guest :

my name is arlene and my father is dying from lung cancer tuesday his dr.s gave up on him and sent him home with 2-4 months to live i wish to thank all of you so much for the information i feel more prepared to help him and myself i have a brother and a sister but neither have helped or spoken to him in years i am his only caregiver and we have put up one hell of a fight over the last 6 months and we start another clinical trial monday it is to late for us his dr.s said but he has not given up and neither will i the cancer has spread to both lungs,abdomen,kidneys,liver and glands i see alot of the dying symptoms i have read about on here but he is still so optomistic and his belief in GODs healing hand is amazing to hear, stay strong and believe in GODs purpose,and bless you all...by doing these clinical trials we hope to help someone else so say a long prayer for my daddy tonight he has done his part as so many others before him

Oct 19, 2009 8:01 AM

Guest :

My father died in July 2009, two years after diagnoses of kidney failure and congestive heart failure. Even though he did not have cancer, the information in this article is by far the best description of what actually happened, system-by-system, with my dad when he passed away. The author has used straightforward language and provided clear descriptions of exactly what one might observe in a patient who is near death. It would be a blessing for this important information to be made available in any discussion related to end-of-life, regardless of the diagnosis. It is comforting to read, even months afterward. Thank you so much.

Nov 28, 2009 6:31 PM

Guest :

2 years ago my father was diagnosed with COPD, emhysemia, right sided heart failure and pulminary odeoma with an aortic anuerysm then 2 mths ago we were told he methosolioma (lung cancer caused by asbesthosis) luckily the doctors agreed as my father already knew he was dying we would spare him from this awful news (he was terrified of cancer) we also agreed no invasive treatement to lengthen his life...there was nothing mroe that could be done...over the last 4 mths my father has fought back from the brink of death more times than I care to remember showing all of the above symptoms, he finally gave up his fight for life tonight 28th nov 2009, please do not be afraid of the death rattle this is merely congestion in the throat that they do not have the strength to cough and clear, watch for changes in breathing my fathers became further and further apart over a half hr til he took his last breath, his heart fluttered a few times but he kept his gaze fixed on myself, I pushed all the love I felt into the warmest smiles I could project and told him to rest as sleep was the best medicine..he died knowing he was truly loved...the wks leading up to this we had confusion, memory loss, plucking at clothes and at times now knowing who we were...the last 2 days he has been sitting up, back to himself and we were having a good old laugh at the guy in 2012 running from a volcanic eruption (as if) he was eating and looked more himself than ever, his sudden deterioration happened over 24 hrs and now he is gone, i had a strange feeling wash over me whislt i was playing with my grandson and rushed to the hospital just in time to give him his last comfort and withing half an hr he was gone, his dignity and strength was astounding, and to the last he fought til his heart gave out, he said his mind was willing but he was scared his body would give in before he did, it did, but his strength was unending and never underestimate hwo hard your loved one will fight to stay and say he/she loves you one last time, just one more time, never give up on them always fight as hard as they do, and love them, love them with all your heart, I will continue to love my father for the rest of my days and he will always inspire me to stay strong no matter what life throws at me, only say it's over when it's over, I never gave up on you dad, you would do the same for me remember, I love you, stay strong for your loved ones, your comfort gives them their strength xxx

Dec 19, 2009 12:35 PM

Guest :

My Father of 88 was at the Portland,Oregon Hopewell House Hospice. His name was Gordon van Antwerp. He had lung cancer from 60 years of smoking one pack of Salem cigarettes a day starting when he was 18 yo. He was diagnosed only 3 months and 3 weeks ago with lung cancer. After 2 months it had spread to 28 other spots throughout his body. Spine, bones, brain. At that time he was having trouble with breathing but could drive and walk a little. I am Craig vanAntwerp, his first of three sons, 58 yo. My Mother of 80 acted very controlling, suspicious and self righteous about the details of my Fathers dieing death. She looked at everyone who visited him as a meddler. And she wanted no one to "view" him after death. (this I found out after the fact) She stopped visiting him for his last two days. She was to be the first one notified about his death. Because of this I did not know of his death until 30 minutes after the fact. I stayed in a guest room at the Hopewell House Hospice with my wife. I was told by the nurse I would be roused at the first sign of his passing. I was 150 feet away from him but because of my Mother, missed being with him for the last minutes of his life. And the staff did not want to cross any lines so instead of waking me later gave me philosophical reasons for the way things turned out after the fact. Like "Your Father didn't want you there when he died" And "he just died, there was absolutely no change, we had no warning". When I got to the room at 5:35 the nurse tried to stop me from opening the door saying,"shes not done preparing the body". I was very disappointed at the way my Fathers dead happened. God, I miss him and wanted to be there. Dont trust a hospice to do the "right" thing. They will only do the "legal" thing. The anger and resentment this has brought up in me will take a while to subside. I should have stayed in his room that night, why didn't I? I woke at 4:30 that morning and layed there tossing and turning, why didn't I go down there to be with him? I love you and miss you Dad. See you on the other side.

Dec 20, 2009 9:33 PM

Guest :

it is gud to see that how could other people respond to the person dying. it is great help and we want more and more information regarding this.

Dec 26, 2009 10:47 AM

Guest :

My dad was diagonized with colon cancer Feb 2008 , a couple weeks later then was told that he had liver cancer and that he had only 6 months to live. He did not pass away until Sept 25,2009. He was very strong and was very active until about 1 month before his passing. He had many of the symptoms mentioned in this article. It hurt me to see him like this and yet it was very hard for me to understand what he was actually going thru. My mom kind of blames herself for not knowing or understanding what he was going thru. My dad had told my mom that he had seen the tunnel of eternity and that there was someone or something at the other end calling upon him about a week before his passing. Once in the hospital he became real quiet and just had a glossy look in his eyes. He would stare out the hospital window as he was looking at something. My mother and myself stayed with hiom both days at the hospital. The morning of his passing both of us told my dad that he did not need to fight any more and that if he was ready to be with God , that we would be ok. I really miss my dad and think of him every day. Thank you for this article. To everyone out there enjoy your time with your loved ones. Because you will never know when there time will be to go be with God . RIP Dad we love you som much and miss you like crazy.

Jan 5, 2010 6:17 PM

Guest :

My Aunt's eyes turned to black blothes all through them. At the time the nurses had not seen it before.

Jan 14, 2010 5:59 PM

Guest :

This is a very helpful article. Finding good, to-the-point information on the internet can be like looking for a needle in a haystack, so thank you for posting and thank you guest commenters for sharing your stories. The combination gives the reader a better sense of what to expect.

My grandmother, 86, advanced alzheimer's, is actively dying as I type. She has had pneumonia since christmas day, and hospitalized most of the time. At first, she seemed to get better, but has been going downhill for about 2 weeks. She can't move now, can't eat or drink (aspiration risk), can't talk. in the past week she has declined to what seems to be a persistent vegetative state- either sleeping or just not there, eyes open, staring nowhere, not focusing on people or things, pupils constricted from 'soft' morphine doses. No longer has facial expressions or squeezes your hand when you hold hers; just unresponsive. She has IV fluids and antibiotics, though it was determined they aren't working. her lung xray a couple days ago showed her lungs were getting worse. we have no idea what the timeframe is, as no one from her care team will even say that she is actively dying though it is obvious. She has cheyne-stokes respirations per the respiratory therapist; i counted 8-9 pauses/beats of apnea/stopped breathing between gasping for breath on Tuesday. She is still alive, though. Her skin is cool, her lips go from blue to red; her face is flushed. Her coughing reflex is gone, so there is considerable gurgling /wheezing with breathing. They stopped suctioning the secretions in her throat because they build up again quickly and her throat was bleeding from the suction head. When they turn her, she still moans as if she is in pain, but there are differing opinons as to whether she can feel pain at this point, but we insisted that they continue with the morphine. we dont know what to expect. the way she looks, sounds, and fitting all of the descriptors, it would seem she would be close to death but she is hanging on. she stopped breathing last thursday for about 20 seconds. I thought she was dead and she inhaled sharply, scared me half to death and was back. That was a week ago today. she was restless earlier in the week. trying to lift her head. moving arms and legs. Sometimes her shoulder spasms/twitches and her whole arm twitches. A week ago her leg was spasming. Anyway, it feels better to write it all out because its confusing and hard to figure out where she is in the process. with advanced alzheimer's , there is no recovery, only waiting for her to be free of the misery. it is hard to grasp how the spirit can keep a body that is trying to shut down from shutting down. all of us but one has said goodbye. I wonder if that one person is holding her back. is that terrible to think? I think i may ask him to please help her and say goodbye and tell her it is OK to go. he keeps cheerleading ("we got you another antibiotic! lets see if it works!) even today. thanks for letting me vent! Peace be with you all and your loved ones.

Jan 19, 2010 10:40 AM

Guest :

Hey all I read this article and it is very informative. I know about most of it because I have a mother that is dying of liver cancer, my husbands grandmother also has alzheimers and his other grandparents are just dying of old age. I am 31 years old and am scared. I shouldn't be lossing my mom so young and then I read about a 14 year old boy on this site that lost his mom and my heart goes out to him. I was in good contact with my moms doctors, and then she became mad at me for finding info out from them and took me off the phone list. and then she accused me of lying to my siblings and then it got even worst and she told my eldest sister she didn't want me to know until she died. we have sense re-connected and I can tell by our phone conversations that she is having trouble remembering stuff and not eating and starring out into space just waiting or thinking i guess so I told my sister she needs and evaluation and told her again and again and now she has taken a turn for the worst and is walking around in her unmentionables and not flushing the toilet and has even fallen so my sister called me and said okay I am talking her for and evaluation now. WHY didn't she listen to me I knew it was getting worst and after 3 weeks of me telling her she says like it is no big deal OKAY mom isn't doing so well she needs to be seen all I know is that I knew about most of the changes but I did learn of some new ones so Thank you site person your information is very helpful and to all those in pain ... Please keep this in mind it is never to late to start loving the person your with and even if that person has past on remember them becase you will never know when you forget

Jan 26, 2010 1:36 PM

Guest :

I was with my dear Father when he passed in Sept. I lay next to him after everyone left and I told him it was ok to go now, that we would take care of Mom. As he took his final breaths, a beautiful sweet smell came from his mouth, like flowers. it was so peaceful. Has anyone smelled this before?

Jan 26, 2010 1:38 PM

Guest :

Feb 2, 2010 10:02 AM

Guest :

Thank You ' My Sister is in Stage 4 of her Cancer. She doesn't have much time left. It really helps me to understand the signs of Death.
2/2/2010

53 Comments

Physical Changes before Death

How the Body Shuts Down as Death Approaches

Different Pace

Distance

Sleep

Appetite

Energy

Skin

Circulation and Blood Pressure

Body Systems

Eyes

Hearing and Touch

Breathing

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